A jovial summary of recent events

What’s going on? We’ve got thousands planning to raid Area 51, Preston is currently hotter than the most bottom layer of hell and Boris Johnson has done the reshuffle of all cabinet reshuffles, leaving Britain on the edge of a precipice that no one really knows what is at the bottom.

With Europe recording record temperatures, Belgium sweating from the sun, instead of impending invasion like the last century, its quite clear that the weather and climate of our continent and planet is shifting.

We’ve got two of the most important world leaders looking like a poundland knock off Austin Powers villains with blonde wigs, Boris and Trump, trying to dictate the future of international politics that is slowly leaning more and more to the right.

Then we’ve got Brexit, a saga that seems longer than the 30 years of Star Wars, both of which never seem to have an end. Within 30 minutes of Boris taking charge of the country, the EU shot down his divorce bill as ‘utter nonsense’. Therefore, like Nigel Farage’s head of hair, the patience of the UK is gradually getting thinner and thinner.

We have remake after remake of classic films like the Lion King and Aladdin, we have a resurgence of 80s inspired musical ballads and we have a Cold-War like state of affairs with Russia and increased tensions in the Middle East such as Iran. It seems like we’re caught in a more tragic time loop than that of Boris Johnson’s relationship status.

Finally, we have a new top predator in the country more terrifying than our new PM, the pestulent seagull. After getting brave and abducting a Chihuahua out of its back garden, presumably depositing it in the sea, the seagulls have been thought to have started organising a coup against Boris Johnson’s new government.

One thing is for sure, for a summary of the week’s news, it’s not been a boring one. But if all this happened in just one week, what on earth has the next 6 months of the year got in store for us?

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